


Promise Me

by xStephyG



Series: The Flower [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Possession Mention, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7141463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xStephyG/pseuds/xStephyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If I was possessed by a demon, would you…”</p>
<p>“Please, don’t ask me this.”</p>
<p>“I think I know the answer…”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you do. It’s not that simple, and I… I would rather not think of it.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise Me

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after Adamant but before Perseverance

Evie sat across from Cullen at his desk as they worked. They were trying to spend as much time together as possible; she would be leaving again very soon. She had her right elbow resting on the surface of the desk, her chin propped up in her hand while she idly traced her scar with the tips of her fingers. It had been weeks since she received her first scar; weeks since Adamant, the Fade, Stroud, and the Wardens - the _possessed_ Wardens.

She glanced up from her work to her commander seated across from her. Cullen was working studiously on his own reports and didn’t seem to notice Evie staring. As she watched him carefully review each requisition and field report her mind wandered to the conversation they had before the assault on Adamant.

“ _If I was possessed by a demon, would you…”_

“ _Please, don’t ask me this.”_

“ _I think I know the answer…”_

“ _I don’t think you do. It’s not that simple, and I… I would rather not think of it.”_

Evie’s brow furrowed as Cullen’s words played over and over in her mind: _not that simple_. What was so complicated about it? He had been a Templar once, was it not his job to stop abominations? Would he really hesitate because of the vessel that held a demon? Did he truly care for her so much that he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to do what he had been trained to do? Did he really value her life over the countless lives a single abomination could end?

“Evie?” Her vision refocused to find Cullen looking directly at her. His face held an expression of concern as he watched her with his warm amber eyes. “Are you alright?”

Evie schooled her own face quickly, relaxing her brow and forcing a smile to her lips. “Of course.” She laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Retrieving her quill from the desk, she returned her attention to her reports. She wasn’t prepared to have this conversation with Cullen. She wasn’t entirely sure he was ready for it either.

“You seem… distracted.” Evie did her best to keep her focus on the parchment before her as Cullen spoke. “If you need to talk… about anything at all, you know I’m always here.” His voice held such caring and understanding, Evie had no doubt that he was watching her very closely as well.

“I know.” She chirped hastily. Closing her eyes for a second, Evie took a calming breath before she spoke again. “And I’m always here for you too.” She assured Cullen, smiling as brightly as she could down at her paperwork.

A pregnant silence dragged on between the two before Evie finally decided to chance a peek at her commander. She regretted that choice the instant their eyes met. Cullen regarded her with a wary gaze, suspicion clouding his amber eyes. Evie didn’t think she was acting that out of the ordinary. She had been more quiet than usual lately, but that wasn’t so strange to her. She had been through an arduous event. She squirmed uneasily under Cullen’s scrutiny, feeling as though she was being judged or examined. She knew he wasn’t going to drop this subject until she talked to him.

Cullen flashed her a reassuring smile after a moment. He reached across his desk and took Evie’s left hand in his. “I know you’ve been having trouble since Adamant. If there’s anything I can-”

“I need you to promise me something.” Evie interrupted quickly. She knew it would be best to simply get this out of the way sooner rather than later. This subject would come up again, she had no doubt.

“Anything.” He assured while giving her hand an encouraging squeeze.

“I need you to-” Evie faltered then. How did she tell him this? How could she ask this of him? She jerked her hand from his grip and sat back in her seat. After a second she tossed her quill onto the desk and stood quickly. She could feel his eyes tracking her every movement as she began pacing the floor in front of his desk, searching her mind for the right words.

“If I- Were I to- Maker have mercy!” Evie groaned in frustration. Words were not something that came easily to her. Not when it was something like this.

Evie stopped in her tracks when Cullen moved to stand in front of her. He took her hands gently in his and ran his thumbs over the backs of them gently. “You can tell me anything, Evie.” He coaxed while dipping his head down, trying to catch her eye.

Evie shook her head while sighing softly. _Now or never_ , she told herself. “Promise me you’ll-you’ll… end my life if I become possessed by a demon…” She finally whispered to Cullen’s boots rather than the man himself.

Evie could feel Cullen’s entire body tense as she spoke the words. His soft caress stopped and his grip on her hands tightened. She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to know what he was thinking, what he thought of her for asking this of him. She hoped he understood. She didn’t want to live as a puppet for a demon. She didn’t want to be responsible for the deaths of countless people. Couldn’t he see her death of preferable to such a fate?

After several moments of silence, Evie steeled herself and finally looked up at Cullen’s face. The look of anguish he held broke her heart. She had only seen him look so pained once before: the day he told her of his past, the day she had realised she was in love with him. She would do almost anything to see that expression turn to one of joy again. The only thing she would not do is take back what she had just said. She wanted him to understand. She needed him to agree.

“You… want to die?” He asked, his voice hushed and pained. He averted his gaze after he asked his question while his hold on her hands began to falter.

“No.” Evie shook her head and tightened her small fingers around his large hands. She wasn’t letting him get away that easily. “I want to live as long as the Maker allows it.” She ducked her head down, trying to recapture Cullen’s gaze. When he kept his focus anywhere but her, Evie sighed softly and continued. “I just can’t… I don’t want to live as a plaything for some demon.” Cullen glanced back to Evie then, an unreadable look in his eyes. “Can’t you understand that? It would be a fate worse than death, Cullen.” Evie implored. “Promise me. Please.” She finished in a whisper as she stared pleadingly into Cullen’s eyes.

Evie watched Cullen’s eyes flick back and forth between hers, searching. For what, she didn’t know. Perhaps he thought she wasn’t serious. She prayed he could see her sincerity. She would not live as an abomination. And she could not trust him if he wouldn’t promise her this.

“I can’t.” Cullen finally whispered.

Evie began to pull away from him. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t be with someone who would allow her to live as an abomination, to be a pawn for some demon. As she loosened her grip on his hands, Cullen tightened his. He pulled her into his chest before wrapping his arms around her shoulders and held her as close to himself as possible.

“I can’t kill you, Evie.” He choked out as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. She knew he was crying before his tears landed on top of head. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“So you would let me-”

“I didn’t say that.” Cullen interjected quickly.

As he loosened his hold on her, Evie did the same. She began to pull away again but Cullen’s grasp on her shoulders stopped her. She lifted her sorrowful eyes to his once more. He exhaled a pained sigh while lowering his head to hers, joining their foreheads together. “I can’t kill you.” He whispered again as he slid his eyes shut. “But I… I would find someone who could. If that’s- that’s what you truly want. I would find them. That’s all I can promise you.”

A small, relieved smile spread over Evie’s features instantly. She pulled Cullen into her tight embrace, her arms encircling his waist as she buried her face into his chest. “Thank you.” She murmured as Cullen wrapped one arm around her shoulder and cradled the back of her head with the other. “Thank you for understanding, Cullen.” She felt as though a burden had been lifted from her shoulders as Cullen held her. Knowing that Cullen understood, or at least would respect her wishes was a weight off her mind.

“…You’re welcome.” Cullen murmured numbly as he planted a kiss to the top of Evie’s head.

* * *

That night as Cullen laid in his bed alone, he thought back to Evie’s words.

_I don’t want to live as a plaything for some demon._

_Can’t you understand that?_

Of course he understood. He understood better than anyone. He has spent days, weeks locked in a cell. Blood mages tearing into his mind, showing him visions that will haunt him for the rest of his life. When it wasn’t visions, it was reality; his brothers and sisters being dragged past him to be brought to the harrowing chamber. Listening to their screams above his head as they were sacrificed for the power locked in their blood. The sight of innocent mages being turned to monsters because they were so frightened they allowed a demon in. Watching them bang on the walls of his cage, shrieking at him with faces he once knew. Faces of men, women, and children he had spent his days watching over, protecting. The sounds of the blood mages laughing as he begged for it to end. Begged for them to kill him.

Cullen knew what is was to used as a plaything for monsters. He understood.

But the thought of Evie, his sweet, shy, delicate flower becoming a monster was impossible for him to imagine. She had a kind heart and a strong will. She would rather die than let a demon take her mind and body. That alone made him want to believe she could not be possessed. But all mages were vulnerable. No matter who they are.

The Wardens were strong and they had let the demons in. They had been fed a lie and they drank it up as if it were mother’s milk. Evie may be stronger than she gave herself credit for, but she was also naive. She wanted to see the best in everyone, believe that there was good in all people. If she was told a convincing enough lie, made to believe she was doing the righteous thing, would she be able to resist? Or would she let the demon in and force him to keep his vow?

And it was a vow he intended on keeping. He had not lied to her. He would not be able to do it himself, but he would not stand in the way of those who could. Cullen would not allow her to be used as a pawn for a demon. He knew what it was to be a prisoner in his own mind, he couldn’t let that happen to her. If Evie were to be possessed, he would see her wish fulfilled. Even if a life without her seemed unbearable.


End file.
